The Adventures of Aunt Darcy and Uncle Loki:The Avengers vs The Swear
by FarGreenCountrySwiftSunrise
Summary: The Avengers end up with a swear jar in the Tower.


The Adventures of Aunt Darcy and Uncle Loki

The Avengers vs. The Swear Jar

Summary: The Avengers end up with a swear jar in the Tower.

On the Subject of Canon: "I'm aware that the head writers have made a decision, but given that it was a stupid ass decision I've elected to ignore it."

post/68912531788/my-relationship-with-canon-as-a-fanfic-writer#notes

post/126865265666/ink-phoenix-therothwoman-i-love-how-this-has#notes

Disclaimer for the Lawyers: I own nothing.

&%&%&%

Jane and Thor huddled eagerly around their daughter as she began to sound out a word. "D...d... da..."

"She said 'da'!" Thor said.

His hopes were quickly dashed as Hal said eagerly, "DAMN!"

Jane and Thor blinked before shouting at the same time. "LOKI!"

When the God of Mischief (wisely) did not appear, the two parents and their child made their way to Loki's room. Finding the place empty, they went to their second suspect and possible co-conspirator to the "GIVING JANE AND THOR GREY HAIR" plot.

"DARCY HADDASAH LEWIS, DID YOU TEACH MY DAUGHTER TO SWEAR?" Jane said as she stormed in.

Darcy looked up weakly from the couch, where she had fallen asleep on-top of her study materials. "What?"

"Somebody taught Hal how to swear. We're rounding up the usual suspects," Jane said.

"DAMN!" Hal said helpfully.

Darcy blinked a few times. "Leggings and messy bun day. I am not part of any evil plans. You should ask the resident supervillain."

"Loki has gone into hiding," Thor said darkly.

"Can you blame me?" Darcy's messy bun said in Loki's voice.

Thor seemed unphased by this while Jane gaped. The elder Odinson said, "Brother, reveal yourself."

A tiny garter snake stuck its head out of Darcy's hair. "There are many things you can say about me, but I have been trying to teach my niece how to say her favorite uncle's name, not the use of expletives."

"I actually agree with Mischief on that. He's gotten kind of competitive about it with some of the other Avengers," Darcy said.

"I personally am quite offended that my rightful place as Hal's first word has been supplanted by an expletive," Loki said.

Jane gently untangled Loki out of Darcy's hair. She sighed as Loki gave his most adorable snake face he could. "...Okay. I don't think you did it."

Loki gave a content hiss before changing back into use usual form. "Thank you."

"Do you know who would do it?" Jane said.

"Well, we do work with a group of immature reprobates and you do have the God of Lies, Chaos and Mischief on your side... on one condition."

"Maybe..." Jane said warily.

"Can I cause bodily harm? I would really like to cause bodily harm," Loki said with glee.

"No, Loki," the three other adults said at the same time.

"Nothing major..."

"No, Loki!"

"Just a few bumps and bruises..."

"NO, LOKI!"

Hal gleefully interjected, "Damn!"

&%&%&%

Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Tony were determined to be the most likely culprits and were thus gathered together. Loki refused to identify the culprit as he could not cause bodily harm. He did offer a deerstalker and magnifying glass to Jane and a bowler hat to Thor.

"Huzzah! Dr. Watson is an honorable, courageous man!" Thor said as he put on the hat.

"I really should have predicted that," Jane said as she rolled her eyes and put on the hat, because hey, why not?

"Is there a reason we have been invited to your cosplay event?" Tony said.

"Damn!" Hal said which set off a fit of giggles from Earth's so-called Mightiest Heroes.

"We are gathered here today because someone has been teaching Hal to swear," Jane said.

"And it wasn't us," Darcy and Loki said at the same time.

"So, that leaves the scientist, the mechanic, the archer, the spy, and the soldier as the culprits," Jane said.

"Do you really think I would do something so mean?" Bruce said.

Tony scoffed. "You are mean, but in a nice way. Anyway, it wasn't me. I know Pepper would make sure JARVIS made all my movies G-Rated from now on."

"I may cuss up a storm, but I know how to act around kids," Clint said, "Also, does anyone else want some tacos? I could go for some tacos."

"I would have taught her how to curse in Russian," Natasha said.

Steve sighed. "Seriously, guys, don't make this worse. I am very disappointed in whoever did this. You should be ashamed."

Jane looked at Thor. She tilted her head slightly towards who she thought the culprit was and Thor nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we know it was you Steve," Jane said.

Rogers looked aghast. "I would never! I'm Captain America."

"You were pulling your Captain America act. You always pull the Captain America act when you're trying to hide something," Jane said.

Steve giggled. Yes, Captain America, puncher of Nazis, Avenger, and Defender of Earth, _giggled_. "Holy shit. I didn't think the prank would work for months. I'm so sorry. I thought she would be a full toddler before she learned to swear."

"That leaves the question of why," Jane said.

Steve was too far gone in his giggle fit to answer.

Thor said, "Loki, you can spar him..."

Loki gleefully pulled out a dagger.

"BUT NO KILLING OR MAIMING!"

Loki frowned and put away his dagger. He pulled Steve up to his feet and dragged him down to the gym. "Come on. I've been feeling the need to murder someone!"

"NO KILLING!" Everyone said.

&%&%&%

After that, the Avengers instituted a swear jar as a symbolic gesture. The money funded ice cream trips for the children of the Avengers.

Steve was the biggest contributor to the swear jar.

&%&%&%

A/N: This was written out of frustration of my students incessant swearing.

I couldn't say my own name clearly and consistently until I was six due to a speech impediment. However, I could say "DAMN IT!" by 18 months. My sister and I also knew all the words to "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC by the latest the age of four. This is the same household at which we couldn't say "crap", "stupid", or "shut up". Moral of the Story: Your kids are going to learn to swear very quickly no matter what you do.


End file.
